The Clever Voice Capturing Thingywassit
by Squaresque
Summary: At least, that's what Death Boy thinks a recording device is called. A Sanubis oneshot from Anubis' point of view, set in The Throne of Fire. So that's what he was doing while Sadie was being chased by a baboon and a vulture... Fluff!


_My first Kane Chronicles fanfiction! It's kind of late that I just finished reading the series, but then I love Sadie and had to write something about her and her boy god crush. Thanks for reading, and if you'd be so kind to leave a review, compliments and criticism are both appreciated!_

_First, a disclaimer: I don't own these characters._

_And now, onward with the story!_

* * *

**Anubis**

[Is this thing working? What's this red light here? Set, is that you spying on me again? Hello? – Ah, whatever.]

Yes. Well. Greetings. If you're listening to this, then I guess I've finally managed to decipher that awful instruction manual. I swear it was longer than any copy of the Book of the Dead, and those have, like, a hundred and eighty-nine chapters. Not that I can't read English, of course – I do love contemporary supernatural novels, preferably those with handsome immortal protagonists – Twilight? What's that? – but I just miss the good old hieroglyphs that were so much easier to read and write. Kids these days.

Speaking of which, there's a reason I'm stooping to this… _technology_ to record my thoughts. You've probably guessed right; it has to do with Sa– um, with the Kane children. But it's a long story, and I should start from the beginning. Just let me make myself comfortable on this gravestone.

I know I'm young for a god – heck, some would call me prepubescent at just five thousand years old. Maybe that's the reason why I'm subject to so much "teenage angst", as Sadie Kane would call it. Yes, it _is_ a terrible phrase, but there you have it. I have issues with my self-esteem (Horus think I'm puny), my looks (I may have the head of a jackal but I _help_ the dead, okay?) and my parents (don't even get me started about Set).

But despite all of that, I felt content wandering about the Duat, playing fetch with Ammit and making the weighing scale bob back and forth like a tiny seesaw when I was off duty (which isn't often, just saying – mortals are always kicking the bucket).

And then the Kanes happened.

What can I say? She was cute, even prettier than Isis in her own way [Isis, if you're listening – well, I'm pretty much screwed, aren't I?], with bright blue eyes and strange but adorable multi-coloured hair. But more than that, the way she looked at me, a crazy thought just popped into my mind: _Hey, maybe this is someone who _doesn't_ think I'm an annoying dog-headed boy god._

As I suspected, it was too much to hope for.

Still, the vibe I got from her – it was as though she – she _liked_ me, somehow. Something about the sweet (forgive me for using that word on you, Sadie Kane) blush that spread across her face whenever I met her gaze. And the more she flustered she got insulting me, the more I wanted to gently tuck that stray strand of violently clashing red behind her ear, or perhaps even tweak her nose, which would have meant a certain and painful demise, god or not.

I know, I know, there are rules governing godly relationships. For instance, here's number one: _Never date your employer's daughter_. And it just so happened that the latest Osiris prototype would be Julius Kane, god of the dead and – alas – father of two. As if her family isn't a big enough worry for a shy adolescent jackal boy god (I think her "lingo" is starting to rub off on me), my own folks are sure to poke their long, undying noses where they don't belong. Great grandpa Shu - he acts _airy_ enough, but I know he's on the lookout for me playing _foot_sie. (Shoe, foot, you know – for a god of the funeral parlour, I do have a sense of humour.)

Anyway, as of now, I'm at a total loss as to what I should do. Her thirteenth birthday is today, and I really want to tell her how I feel, but I'm sure she's got bigger things like Apophis destroying the world to think about. (I'm not making excuses because I'm shy – it's true!) Maybe I'll make it a more subtle gesture. Should I shake her hand? Write her a card? Give her a hug? Or... kiss her hard on the lips like I've been _dying_ to since the day I saw her at Osiris' birthday? (I'd do it with tongue, too, but I don't want her to start calling me Slobbery Dog Head on top of everything else. Plus her jaws must have got real strong chewing that gum, and I don't want to end up without taste buds if she doesn't like the way I – you know.)

Hang on a second.

I think I can see her, running from her enemies as usual. Wow. That's some vision in combat boots. I wonder what she'd look like in a proper white Egyptian dress, with just the right amount of kohl around her stunning eyes, and a welcoming smile on her face for once…?

Wow.

Ahem. Excuse me. For a moment there I was… daydreaming.

Here's the bottom line – the world (including the underworld) is a crazy place, and it's only going to get crazier until Apophis is vanquished (or... otherwise, but let's not think about that). But someday, when it's all over, I'm going to leave this where the mischievous Sadie Kane can accidentally find it, preferably breaking a few rules along the way, so that she enjoys the process as much as the reward.

Sadie, I'm hoping that by the time you hear this, we'll be in a… shall we say, more satisfying long-term arrangement, and all the minor details like my immortality, your dad, et cetera, have been worked out. Because you are the loudest, spunkiest, bravest, most amazing girl I've ever met, and I'm _dead_ sure (again pardon the _dead_pan humour) that I want to be by your side and protect you – against the other gods' wishes, if I must.

And if – if you're listening and you're not – not "with me", so to speak, then I must ask you to pretend this is a bad joke by someone who sounds a lot like the your favourite funeral god, Anubis, but isn't, really, because how would Dog Boy know how to use this clever voice capturing thingywassit, eh?

But I hope we _are_… together.

After all, there must be a reason you've got a picture of me in your closet, right?

[Oops, you're coming towards me. Gotta go.]

* * *

**Sadie**

What – what is this?! Death Boy? How _dare_ you say I need protecting! I'll admit I wasn't quite the accomplished magician I am now four years ago, but still... the nerve! And that picture – don't think it was anything special, because – it – wasn't! And don't think that just because you're hiding in Walt that I can't see you in the Duat! And don't think I'll make the mistake of taking it out on the poor boy instead of you! If _you're_ checking on this, you'd better take my advice and run for it! I mean business –

[Anu– Walt! What are you d– oh! You did? Is it the kind that's extra chewy and good for blowing bubbles? Well... thanks! Hm? Oh... nothing. I'll be upstairs in a minute.]

Fine, _Anubis_. Count yourself lucky this time that you're at least half my decent boyfriend. Otherwise, you'd be food for the jackals!


End file.
